There is an Arizona

In September 2000, Jamie O'Neal released her hit song "There Is No Arizona". I remember the first time I heard it. The lyrics touched me so deeply. The emotion in the song was so strong and seemed so true. I held onto it for a long time.

The song tells a story of a woman whose lover leaves her to go build a life for them in Arizona. He promised her that he was going to get things in order for them and have her come. She waited and waited. It never crossed her mind that this dream place "Arizona" was not real. That this future he was promising did not exist. That there is no painted desert and no Sedona. The woman waited for him--but he never called for her. "Each day the sun sets into the west, her heart sinks lower in her chest. Friends keep asking when she's going. Finally she tells them--don't you know There Is No Arizona."

Every time I listened to this song I pictured Arizona as this beautiful place that was perfection and comfort. Arizona was where her life was going to unfold and she was going to live. Arizona was going to be beauty and refuge. It was going to be love and a future.

O'Neal says that there is no Arizona--but I believe there is.

This fragile woman was waiting for another person to create her beautiful future for her. She had a vision in her mind of Arizona where her dreams were going to come true--and the man who created that image is the same man that took it away. The first time I heard this song, I believed it. I was familiar with that feeling of disappointment and abandon and I thought I lived in a world where Arizona did not exist. Where Arizona was just a lie people told you that was taken away in the end.

As I step off my front porch and walk into my future, I think of how I will never depend on someone else to create my dreams. I will create them for myself. My Arizona will be my Arizona. It will be my dreams and my perfection. I dont know where my Arizona is quite yet--but I know that it exists--I'll send you pictures once I get there.

"I believe in myself and that makes me stronger.

Things changed and so have I

I'm gonna make hay while the sun still shines

You can clip my wings--I'm still gonna fly"